A letter to my crawly pursuer:

Dear indiscernible creepy-crawly:

I was laying in bed minding my own business when you so rudely intruded on me.

Didn't you see that I was trying to fall asleep? Do insects even sleep? Maybe you can't even grasp the concept. Hold on, I'm going to look it up...

Ok. Yes, you do sleep. Sort of.

So you really should be more sensitive of MY need to sleep. You don't see me running around looking for insects to step on during their quiescent periods, do you? NO. You don't. Because I care.

Yet, you felt entitled to invade the personal space of my shoulder, no doubt to try feed on me. In an instinctive attempt to ensure my survival, I grabbed and tossed you off - In a very swift, impressive maneuver; I did NOT want to smash you and be covered in your bodily fluids, ew.

I panicked. What did you expect?

Did you think I would just lay there petrified while you had your way with me?
If so, you really overestimate yourself, bug. I mean, it's good to have self confidence and all. I'm sure all the ladies were wooing over your impressive display of macho-ness back there. But I'm at LEAST five times bigger than you are.

That would be like me picking a fight with a 30-foot long grizzly bear.

That's CRAZY.

You won't get far in life if you keep up this reckless attitude. Just be glad I didn't find you afterwards, cause who knows what else I would have done in my panic-imbued rage.

In the future, you may want to restrict your peacocking antics to the daytime, when I'm not jumpy from being afraid of REAL life-endangering threats like ghosts. Then I might spare you the embarrassment of being violently tossed. Depending on your ensuing behavior, I may even let you sit on me for a short while just to give you an ego boost. See how nice I can be if you show some consideration?

Stop bugging me.

- Tiff