... Because I can't be arsed to finish the game in order to write a "fair" review. Not that I need to. Cause I'm always right anyway.
I'd been excited about Limbo for a while, so when it when on sale on Steam today for 2.5 euro, I grabbed it.
Total waste of 19kr and 8 minutes of my life.
It is my sincere hope is that my time and effort spent writing this might spare someone else 8 minutes of Limbo. (I see what I did there).
The game started out as what I thought was a cut-scene, until nothing happened for about 2 minutes and I realized I was supposed to move. The kid you play as seems to be slow in the head and a poor jumper. I'm fairly certain he was mentally challenged. Or possibly even Mexican. My first encounter with water went something like "Oh, I'll just swim across this little puddle. What? You DROWNED from that?". Pathetic. He also steps on bear traps and can't do anything cool for that matter. Who wants to escape from reality to one where you play as a slow, short, snot-faced incapable kid? Not me. The game was too slow-paced, and controls unsatisfying unresponsive. Maybe if there was some background music I wouldn't have been so utterly bored. Though I may just be spoiled by all the fast-paced, high energy games I've been conquering lately, like VVVVVV, Super Meat Boy and Bit Trip Runner. All of which you play as awesome characters!
In Super Meat Boy, you get to play as, you guessed it! A PIECE OF MEAT. Who leaves a succulent trail of meat juice behind it, and sticks oh so deliciously to walls, and splatters beautifully all over the level when you get yourself ground up. In Bit Trip Runner you're basically farting rainbows as you run at impossibly high speeds. No further argument needed.
Oops, I went off track talking about games that are actually cool.
I'll give Limbo one thing, they certainly picked out a good title that expresses just how unexceptional it is:
Limbo: An intermediate, transitional, or midway state or place; an unknown intermediate place or condition between two extremes: in limbo.
I was definitely in a condition between two extremes while playing Limbo: apathy for the game, and sympathy for the retarded kid.
In conclusion, here's a fairly accurate depiction of how I felt playing Limbo: